Working in private practice in counseling for well over twenty years, I’ve seen some of the more frustrating times in couples counseling. Research has revealed that a typical couple waits approximately four years to come into counseling, despite experiencing the need earlier. Many times, by the time the couple appears in the counselor’s office, one or both of the partners have already reached a level of indifference or lack of desire to work on their relationship. This is the most challenging and scary place for couples to find themselves. By this point, their primary motive in attending counseling sometimes is checking this off their list, indicating that they tried everything, before heading to a divorce attorney. Continue Reading
There are many buzzwords around what is healthy versus unhealthy in committed relationships. More and more partners are researching and understanding these terms. Labels such as narcissist, gaslighter, misogynist, borderline, alcoholic/addict, and abusive are now commonly used words to define unhealthy behavior dynamics in intimate relationships.
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Fighting actually can be, if done correctly, a very healthy way to build knowing and intimacy in a relationship.
Yep. I promise! When I have these couples that do show up in my office, and they say something like, “Oh, we don’t ever fight” or “my parents never fought”/ and I’m like, huh?! Is that the goal? Because that doesn’t seem real to me. I mean, if there are two independent people that have two personalities, two opinions, two perspectives, two life experiences, how can there not be crossed intersections at some point in time.
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Living 24/7 under the same roof with a partner feels more like roommates, you couldn’t be further apart. Feeling emotionally and spiritually DETACHED. Trying to avoid the truth by keeping yourself busy in the other room.
It is HEARTBREAKING to be in the same house with your spouse and still feel so LONELY, IRRITABLE, lacking in INTIMACY. Worse yet, FEARING they feel the same way.
The whole counseling thing JUST DOESN’T WORK. It takes two after all. Attending church, reading a slew of marriage self-help books, attending marriage retreats that you definitely “don’t want to remember,” even “dared” yourself for 30 days - ALL INEFFECTIVE! SPICING up the bedroom has been to no avail.
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Abundance means “overflowing fullness.” The abundant life refers to abounding fullness of joy and strength for mind, body and soul. The contrast of this is feelings of lack, emptiness, and dissatisfaction. I don’t know about you, but I want the former, not the latter. Don’t we all when we spend some quiet moments really thinking about it? Is it in our power to achieve? Can we actually obtain it? Well, of course, with some qualifiers, however. Continue Reading
Having worked with couples for over 20 years, there has been such joy to be on the front row seat witnessing healing and restoration. Being used as a vessel for God to show up and work miracles is no short of fulfilling. Recently, I worked with a couple who had been married 15+ years, finally gotten to the hard-worked-for chapter of retirement, found themselves not enjoying one another during this supposedly “golden” chapter of leisure and relaxation, and now living in two different cities separated and ready to call it quits. The lawyers were hired, the papers were filled out and awaiting signatures. One reached out and posed the question, “Are we sure?” They decided before they would make this big of a step, their marriage deserved being able to say they had done as much as they could to save it. In came me....halfway between each of their locations and offering a marriage counseling intensive. Continue Reading
For years I worked with married couples in my practice resulting in personal frustration. They wouldn’t stay for the course and quit before the momentum finally offered them relief, they got better only to see them boomerang back in six months, or there was just too much pain to commit to the process without ensuring a proper payoff. I even considered stopping working with married couples altogether. Continue Reading
My dad was a jeweler and owned his own store. This came in handy when my husband was picking out a ring in order to propose. It was beautiful! I felt like the luckiest girl with it on my finger. As we approached our 20 year mark of marriage, however, the 1980’s setting was well-past due for an “upgrade.” So, again, we sent it back to my dad to work his magic. Shortly after, my dad informed us that the center stone was cracked and it would be risky to reset it. What? I thought diamonds were the hardest rock there was. Was I that hard on it? Was it flawed from the beginning? We had a decision to make. Not having that kind of money to buy an “upgrade” and also feeling some nostalgia with wanting my original diamond, I stalled with the decision. Continue Reading
