When a couple calls me for a free consultation, one of the first things I often hear is, "We were thinking about going on a marriage retreat. Is that the same thing as an intensive?" It is a great question, and the honest answer is no. Both can be a gift to your marriage, but they are built for very different seasons, and choosing the right one can save you a lot of time, money and heartache.
What a marriage retreat is
A marriage retreat is usually a weekend getaway for a group of couples. There are speakers, workshops, worship, time for the two of you to talk, and often a beautiful setting at a resort, camp or conference center. Many retreats are wonderful. They give couples a break from the busyness of life, fresh ideas about communication and intimacy, and a chance to remember why they fell in love.
A retreat works best when your marriage is in a fairly good place and you want to grow. Think of it as a tune-up. You learn together with other couples, you take home a few new tools, and you come back refreshed.
What a retreat usually does not offer is a counselor focused on the two of you. With many couples in the room, the teaching has to fit everyone, so there is little time to work on the specific hurts and patterns in your marriage. And when the weekend ends, there is usually no one walking with you through what comes next.
What a marriage intensive is
A marriage intensive is counseling, concentrated into a few days. In my Marriage Made Whole intensive, I work with one couple at a time, in person in my South Tampa office, for two days and 16 hours (three days when a couple needs it). It is not a group, and it is not a lecture. It is the two of you and me, working on your marriage.
Together we map the disconnect cycle that keeps pulling you apart, so you can see that the cycle is the enemy, not your partner. We get underneath the arguments to the hurts and longings driving them, and you practice new ways to reach for each other, right there in the room. Two days of focused work is comparable to about six months of weekly counseling, and because the work is not constrained by the clock, we can stay with a hard moment until it turns toward connection.
The intensive is only the beginning. Every couple then moves into Marriage Momentum, six months of follow-up with me: nine sessions, a video curriculum to practice between sessions, and support along the way. You have the same counselor from your first consultation through your follow-up sessions, so nothing gets lost.
One couple I worked with described their marriage before the intensive this way: "If we took one step forward, we'd take two steps back." Afterward they said that two days and 16 hours was "almost like resetting your relationship."
Which one does your marriage need?
A marriage retreat may be a good fit if:
You feel connected and want to keep growing
Your conflicts are mostly small and get resolved
You would enjoy learning alongside other couples
You want a getaway and some fresh inspiration
A marriage intensive may be a better fit if:
The same argument keeps coming back, no matter how hard you try
You feel lonely or disconnected, even when you are together
Trust has been broken, or one of you is wondering whether the marriage will make it
You have tried weekly counseling, books or seminars, and the change didn't last
You need privacy, and you are not ready to share your story in a group
You want relief sooner than the traditional weekly format of marriage counseling can offer
Your lives are full, and two focused days are easier to fit in than months of weekly appointments around work and family
If you see yourselves in the second list, please don't wait. Couples talk about seeking help for an average of four years before they find it, and by then small hurts have often hardened into a pattern. The sooner you get focused help, the sooner you can start to feel like a team again.
An intensive is not the right fit for every situation. If there is a current affair, abuse, active addiction or unstabilized mental health, I will talk with you about the kind of care that is safest and most helpful first. That is part of what we cover in your consultation.
Grounded in research and faith
My work is grounded in Emotionally Focused Therapy, one of the most researched approaches to couples therapy. Studies show about 90% of couples experience significant improvement, and 70–75% move from distress to recovery. That's why I build in six months of follow-up support, so the gains you experience in the intensive carry on long after it ends. I integrate this with a faith-based view of marriage through my Intimacy For Life® Method, because I believe marriage is God's design and that what we know about how couples bond fits beautifully with it. Faith is woven into our work at the level the two of you are comfortable with.
Let's talk
If you are not sure whether you need a retreat or an intensive, that is exactly what a free 30-minute consultation is for. We will talk about where your marriage is today, what you have already tried, and what kind of help makes the most sense for the two of you. I see couples from across the Tampa Bay area, and many couples travel to Tampa from out of town for their intensive.
Learn more about the Marriage Made Whole intensive →
Frequently asked questions
Is a marriage intensive the same as a marriage retreat?
No. A retreat is usually a group weekend with speakers and workshops, best for couples who want to grow. An intensive is private counseling for one couple, concentrated into a few days, for couples who are stuck or hurting.
How long is a marriage intensive?
My Marriage Made Whole intensive is two days and 16 hours for most couples, and three days when a couple needs it, followed by six months of follow-up.
Is an intensive just for couples on the brink of divorce?
No. Many couples choose an intensive because they want quicker relief than weekly counseling offers, or because two focused days fit their busy lives better than months of appointments around work and family. Others come because the same conflict keeps repeating or they feel disconnected, and they want focused help before things get worse.
Can we come from out of town?
Yes. Many couples travel to Tampa for their intensive. Virtual intensives are available on occasion.
How do we know which is right for us?
Schedule a free 30-minute consultation and we will talk it through together.
Love well,
Dr Shanon