When an engaged couple sits on my office couch for the first time, they are usually holding hands and smiling, and often a little nervous. They love each other, they are excited about the wedding, and most of them have one question underneath all the planning: "How do we make sure this lasts?" The SYMBIS Assessment is one of the best tools I know for answering that question, and as a certified SYMBIS facilitator I use it with every premarital couple I see.
What SYMBIS stands for
SYMBIS stands for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. It was developed by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, and it grew out of their well-known book of the same name. The assessment is a questionnaire each of you completes online, and it produces a personalized report about the two of you as a couple. It is not a pass or fail test, and nobody gets a grade. It is a picture of where you are strong together and where it is worth having some honest conversations before the wedding.
How it works
Each of you takes the assessment on your own, without talking about your answers. It takes about 30 minutes, and you can save your progress if you need a break. Your answers come together in a personalized report of about 15 pages, and that is where the real work begins. SYMBIS is designed to be walked through with a certified facilitator, so the two of you never have to make sense of the results alone.
In our sessions we go through your report together, one area at a time. I help you see the patterns, and I give you words and skills to talk through the areas that feel uncertain or have gone unaddressed. Couples tell me it is a relief to have these conversations now, while they feel close and hopeful, instead of years from now in the middle of a hurt.
What couples learn
The report covers the areas that shape every marriage, including:
How each of you handles conflict, and how to keep an argument from turning into the two of you against each other
How your personalities fit together, and where they may rub
Communication, expectations and the habits each of you brings from your own family
Money, roles and the everyday decisions of a shared life
Faith and how you want it to shape your home
It also points out risk factors early, when they are much easier to address. If one of you is entering a second marriage or blending a family, SYMBIS includes a section for that too.
How I use SYMBIS with couples
I offer SYMBIS as marriage preparation, in one of two ways. Some couples prefer five sessions spread over the weeks or months before the wedding, and others prefer a one-day premarital intensive. Ongoing sessions are always available if you want more support after that. Parents and friends sometimes give SYMBIS as a wedding gift, which I think is one of the most meaningful gifts a couple can receive.
Either option includes the full package: a hard copy of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts along with his and her workbooks, a free copy of my book Naked and Exposed, and a certificate of completion that can give you a discount on your Florida marriage license. If you live outside Florida, check whether your state offers a similar discount.
The assessment itself works for couples of any faith background. In my practice, I bring faith into our work at the level the two of you are comfortable with, because I believe marriage is God's design and that what attachment science shows us about how couples bond lines up beautifully with it.
I see premarital couples in person at my Tampa office, a short walk from Hyde Park Village, and soon at my new Bradenton office, as well as by secure video. Couples who live outside Florida can work with me through coaching.
It is never too early, or too late
Anytime after you are engaged is a great time to start, and even newlyweds can take SYMBIS. I encourage every couple to invest, not just in the wedding, but in the marriage, which is far more lasting. Couples talk about seeking help for an average of four years before they find it, and what my premarital couples tell me most often is, "I'm so glad we got this help at the beginning."
If you would like to know whether SYMBIS is a good fit for the two of you, let's talk. Schedule a free 30-minute consultation, and we will talk about where you are, when the wedding is, and which option fits you best.
Learn more about Christian premarital counseling →
Frequently asked questions
Do we take SYMBIS together?
No. Each of you completes it on your own, without discussing your answers, and then we go through your report together.
How long does it take?
About 30 minutes each, and you can save your progress.
Do we have to be Christians?
No. SYMBIS works for couples of any faith background, and I bring faith into our work at the level you are comfortable with.
We are already married. Can we still take it?
Yes. Newlyweds can take SYMBIS too, and there is a version for married couples.
How do we get started?
Schedule a free 30-minute consultation.
Love well,
Dr Shanon